Defeated. Torn. She walked downstairs to the annual family dinner party looking everywhere for her father. She went outside to where the men were sitting, but he was nowhere to be found. As her friends went to sit on their dads’ laps, she stood alone.

“I expected my dad to be there,” she said. “But, he wasn’t, and he won’t be.”

Sophomore Jenna Martin has endured the painful experience of divorce since age fourteen when her parents, Julie and Craig Martin, divorced on June 5, 2012. This fast growing issue of divorce is affecting approximately 40% to 50% of marriages in the United States, according to the American Psychological Association. With rates only increasing, the amount of children suffering from the breakdown of the traditional family model has caused deeper psychological problems, shattering their views on marriage permanently.

“I had always said that my parents were the hope I had that love still existed,” Martin said. “That was the hardest part. The idea of love I had always hoped for got demolished.”

Martin’s story began in Jan. 2012 when her mother and father sat down at the kitchen counter and declared their separation.

“That was one of the worst nights of my life,” mom Julie Martin said. “She sat there and listened to us, then about five or ten minutes after we had tried explained that it was going to be okay, she looked at us, didn’t show much emotion at all, and said ‘Okay, can I go upstairs now?’. That was so hard to hear because I wanted her to open up. I wanted her to cry. I wanted her to let us be there for her, but she had no desire for that.”

After the news was released, Jenna began to spiral downward and consider herself as being “the only one being hurt”.

“I felt like I needed to place blame somewhere,” she said. “I felt like everyone had lied to me. I would be mad at my mom and then mad at my dad because I kept trying to make up ways to blame somebody. Anybody.”

“I felt like I needed to place blame somewhere,”

Losing her sense of family caused Jenna to shut down interaction with the world around her, especially with her father. Fortunately, her mother wished to see their bond remain intact even though traveling between households placed a strain on all parties involved.

“I wanted her to go to her dad’s and to keep that relationship,” Ms. Martin said. “But, I remember her not wanting to go. I pushed her to, but it was hard for me to know it was causing her distress. It came from the fact that her whole world was shifting. She believed up until that day that her parents weren’t ever going to divorce. It was a shifting of a foundation that she thought she had, but it wasn’t reality.”

Although it was difficult for Martin to accept the separation, she knew all along that neither of her parents’ had been happy.

“I started to realize as I got older that what my parents had was not love at all, just a relationship that had become routine,” Martin said. “I never saw them kiss or hold hands or even talk. I could see that wasn’t what love was.”

Another man entered the picture when Julie remarried on Feb. 28, 2014 to Chris Talcott. The acceptance of a different male figure caused many challenges for Jenna.

“I wouldn’t talk to him,” she said. “He tried to have a relationship with me, but I would not let him because he wasn’t my dad. It was too hard for me to accept my mom could love somebody else more than she ‘loved’ my dad.”

The quick transition from having her father always present to a different man being in his place brought much tension into the household.

“For about a week or two, she was pretty quiet and pretty cold,” Ms. Martin said. “She was trying to say ‘just because you love him doesn’t mean I will’.”

The holiday season has always been considered a time for love and cheer, however, it only proved to be yet another hurdle to overcome amongst the breaking home.

“Christmas was horrible without a full family,” Jenna said. “My mom was with this new man, so she wanted me to spend it with his family and his kids, but I wanted to spend it with MY family. I didn’t know who to choose; I felt really alone because I was divided.”

“I started to realize as I got older that what my parents had was not love at all, just a relationship that had become routine.”

Adding to the Christmas confusion, Martin was burdened with different family members trying to convince her who to be with.

“There was so much pressure both ways,” Jenna said. “My dad’s side of the family really wanted me with them, and they made that very clear by saying ‘I come once a year, and I’m not even going to spend Christmas day with you’. I actually forced both sides of the family to come together and watch me open presents.”

Studies have shown that as divorce rates increase, there is a rise in teenage depression. A generation ago, 2% of teenagers were deemed depressed. That number has increased to 23% according to Today’s Modern Family. Martin fell to the 23%. After Jenna’s first Christmas with a broken family finally ended, another problem was soon to follow.

“The divorce was definitely that breaking point,” Jenna said. “I thought it was my parents’ fault for a long time causing my depression, but what I went through was mainly an insecurity of ‘I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not anything’. I still struggle with that and worry if I will be enough for someone to love.”

Jenna believes that her depression was partially due to the constant questioning of mother and father.

“My parents were putting all their attention into me and trying to figure out if I was okay,” she said. “I kept saying I was fine, but I wasn’t. Everyone was attacking me at once, so I felt very alone, but also very crowded.”

Jenna searched for ways to escape her negative thoughts, and through her artistic abilities, she was able to find lyrical inspiration to create a temporary distraction.

“Music was my outlet,” Jenna said. “One of my favorite songs I have ever written was about the divorce. The chorus said ‘broken fragile on the verge of tears, trying to handle all my fears, and minute by minute I live my life answering the same questions with ‘I’m fine’. I hadn’t written a real song until then.”

“I felt very alone, but also very crowded.”

Through the doubts and unanswered questions, Jenna found a glimpse of optimism within her situation.

“Just because something doesn’t work out doesn’t mean it’s the end,” she said.  “My mom and dad are the happiest they have ever been. And, although sometimes it’s hard, and some days I feel like quitting, I know I can get through this.”

However, the divorce has affected her in more ways than one, and she has suffered from long term effects that she will carry into her adult life.

“I’m sure I will still be happy, find love, and get married, but I will always have a guard up,” Jenna said. “Part of me still sees marriage as a temporary thing, even though, people say ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health’. They say they’ll be married forever, but I don’t know any couples that are genuinely happy anymore. I know there can be love, but I don’t believe there is one true love anymore.”